Last day of freedom... Last day of....

Its rainy Thursday. Mark the last day of my freedom to roam around Singapore aimlessly. What is my feeling now? It is mixed feelings.

One side of me is looking forward for the new job that is coming tomorrow. Another side of me is sad. Today not only is my last day of freedom. It is also last day Dr Balaji will be sleeping in Cheng San Community Club.

If the timing is not change, he will leave CC at 2.45pm. To be frank, I do not really know him. But since he was my neighbourhood's MP and I ever shook hand with him during one of the events. I felt I have the need to pay my last respect to him. I did it on Wednesday at 6pm plus.

His wife and children shook hand with me. The only word that can blunt out from my mouth is only Take Care. The feeling is funny. It is solemn. When I walked home, I suddenly remembered, I did not take one last look on Dr Balaji. My memory of him was very blurred. Of what I can recall, he was a friendly MP. Though he do not know me. Yet he show his friendliness and if not remembered wrongly, we did have a quick chat.

According to many who have worked with him closely described him as intelligent, hardworking, diligence. This all I believe. This make me recall 8 months 4 days ago, I lost my grandmother. She was also passed away due to sickness. But she was 91 when she departed.

Dr Balaji was only 55 when he left. Such a young age, I would say. But its true and its cruel reality. Remembered the first time I heard the news was Monday 12.30pm when I left Singapore Flyer and walking towards exit. I could not believe my ears. I heard Dr Balaji's name. To confirmed, I listen very carefully for the news on 1.30pm. Also through facebook and twitter and even news online that I confirmed he left us due to cancer.

It makes me stopped and think. Why is there this illness called cancer which took away a lot of great people instead of those who did many bad deeds and was out there enjoying? Why always was the very important founder and important person who passed away?

These days keep raining. Can I take it that the sky is crying for our lost? I just hope Dr Balaji can rest in peace and is having good time at heaven with no pain, no sorrow and no worries. I am sure he will be remembered and we will never forget what he did for us. Thanks for doing all the great things for us.

Also to my grandmother up the heaven, how have you been? I miss you very much. How long do I need to take to forget the sorrow? I do not know. Maybe I really need to write it out to lessen the pain and sadness.

29 September 2010

Today is just another Wednesday. Feeling very bored and I am really out of ideas as to where should I roam around.

I hate this feeling of roaming around aimlessly. Not long after I on my MSN, Facebook and Twitter that I get many people's news and one of my friend, Evonne is actually going Taiwan later in the evening.

Taiwan, a place that I love and is planning to go again soon all alone. Some may think I am really crazy or maybe mistaken that I am a loner who love to travel alone.

Being lone ranger was not that bad idea. Besides, Taiwan speaks Mandarin isn't it? So if I lost my way to hotel, I can always ask around right?

My planning will be up next year in February. Before I enter poly. Since its alone travel, so everything will be on budget and also must plan carefully.

Just now was tweeting Serene asking can I have a share of her lunch. She so cute threw a plate for me. I can imagine its very yummy and nice.

Its almost 4pm and I have not had my lunch. What am I thinking now?

This matter had been poundering in my mind. To tell or not to tell. To face or not to face it. I do know that x must say sorry to me so that this matter can be solved. But you all know that for sure it can never happened. Why want to force it? Even he did, I wonder was it really from x heart.

Anyway, soon I will be going for newly accepted job. Have not really get what is the job scope. All I know is I will be at a small reception area where only authorised person able to enter using pass. But I could not really imagine what will that job be like. It is agreed to be a 2 months contract. But anytime either party can put a stop due to many reasons.

Should I keep searching for jobs? I hope jobs can come find me as I am really dread to go for interviews after interviews.

Sky is dark now. Mind is in a mess. Shall put my finger crossed that I can find a longer temp job soon.

Wish me good luck. :D

28 September 2010

Today is very bored hence I decided to update my blog.

Over the months and even years, my blog is forever filled with words and only words. I have long forgotten how to post pictures and type words to make it less boring.

But as mentioned by Faith that, blog are used to record the events that had happened around us. Hence to her, it was not boring. I just worried that I will bored people.

Recently had happened many things. Some are happy, some are sad. Some are very vexed and some are very worrying.

These memories I cannot remove. Neither can I choose to dump them. Hence blog will be a place I can vent anger, pour feelings and even express gratitudes.

I know you all had been closely monitoring my tweets, my facebook status and even my daily actions. I also know it is a form of care and concern. I also appreciate all your care, love, concern and support through my Ups and Downs.

Even when that matter had took place and you all knew I was blaming myself a lot. The amount of concern and focus on me I can feel and was really touched. Especially when I almost given up hope, you all were there for me.

Many people came and asked what actually had happened. I remembered I did wrote in one of the entries. Chose to write without mentioning name is not cause I want to protect anyone. It was due to I do not wish to re-opened the scar which I refused to touch after the event. Little did I know that news do spread and some may have heard a little and some may have gotten the whole story by words of mouth.

I ever said, in a situation, sure must have someone to say sorry. If x do not wish to say, can I say to x? I know it sounded foolish to admit something which was not entirely your fault. To look deeper, the whole situation was never my fault as many also think so. But if this were to continue, where will it be heading to? Eventually will the matter be put to rest? Can I forget that day and what had happened?

It may seems that I am forcing myself to face x. Isn't it better to have one person suffering than to see everyone around you suffers? What happened can never be treated as nothing had happened. When friendship turned sour or into cold war and even ignore the presence of someone, how can we still salvage it?

I cannot say for sure that it will be forever secrets. As now, it was never a secret. Time and again I have to fear that one day will spread to the ears of someone who I do not wish to involved. But things had took a turn drastically.

X never realised mistakes made and neither show any turning back or remorse. We were trying very hard to cover and pretending nothing had happened. A friend once told me, how long you can keep it from making known to others? Seriously, I really do not know.

People who came to know the whole matter eventually go a distance from x. I felt that I am the bad person who slowly chasing friends away from x. I know I shouldn't feel that way. I also know the whole thing was not my fault. But can I be said to have no blame on for the whole situation to take a drastic turn?

Its true we can never stop anyone from doing anything. But being a busybody will surely create more trouble. In the whole situation, I was like an outsider who is trying to probe into the matter and thinking I can solve it by saying pros and cons. Naively thinking I can prevent any further hurt. The end results are, I had hurt someone and had caused more and more problems.

How can I put everything to a stop? Maybe I really need a knock on my head and make me lost memory than can put everything to a stop. Or maybe there is a power eraser which can erased away what had took place that day.

The end result had made me dread to go that place as I scare will remind of that day. I even cried when thinking I had caused so many problems. Yet no one thinks I am to be blame.

Yes, x may seems to be in the wrong. But I really want to know what is in x mind when x was doing those things? I am sure there must be some reasons behind which we have not found out.

But if you asked me do I regret what I did that day, I really do not know should I regret? A friend told me, even if I did not do that, eventually she will. In my thinking, if it were her, the whole situation will never be this way, isn't it?

Enough of flooding the blogs with words. I just do not know how to solve it or rather there won't be any solutions unless x say sorry to me. Which is mission impossible! So more people know will make it more complicated. I just hope nothing will happened due to this matter.

Sincerely apologise to all who I have hurt and who I indirectly hurt. I am sorry to you, to x and to everyone who are involved in this matter.

25 September 2010

Its SATURDAY!

Today will be very busy day for me. I will be meeting the rest at Cineleisure Level 8 at 1.45pm and getting ready for the Combi gathering of Liyi Jie and Mary Jie.

We were arranged to a big room for 20 pax. We planned to have singing competition and it was the first time I was not in the competition as I had said, I will not sing till October.

They had their warming up while waiting for the 2 VIP to arrive at 3.30pm. Also we have one special guest appearance at 4pm plus.

When Liyi Jie and Mary Jie arrived, we arranged Andrew to interview them. Liyi Jie told us that her book will be released in November and she is rushing to finish writing it. She will place 100 books at NP to sell.

Mary was busy with the SHA events and also her job in Yes933. After that we asked them to be the judges for the competition. They do not know that we have a special guest will be coming to join us shortly.

We were trying to ask Mary Jie sing us a song since Liyi Jie already sang us one. So we chose Jay-Cai Hong. Initially she wanted to sing half song but I asked her if got people accompany her will she sing the full song. So she asked me help her rap in the interval. I agreed. Finally she managed to sing the whole song.

Shortly after, came the special guest which i kept mentioning just now. The special guest was Elson. When he saw the event on FB, he approached Evonne. But we kept the news to give them suprises.

Elson will be the third judges and at the end of the whole event, must choose 3 best singers. Wee Yong, Jeff and Summer were the 3 best singers.

Thanks each and everyone for making it so fun and exciting. Also thank Evonne, Steven, Andrew for the planning and arrangements. Special thanks to Jackson for the help rendered.

Without you all, this gathering will never be succeed. Will have more gatherings coming soon. Stay tune.

After the gathering, I rushed to see The 3 Hard Tenors. Although I was sitted very far. But through the big screen I can see it very clearly. I would say it was a great concert for us to let down our hair and have a great laugh.

The best parts were firstly Aunty Lucy's appearance. That goes without saying as I am fan of AL. Than was the romantic ending where Kang Kang proposed to his girlfriend. He is so romantic although his words sounded humourous than real proposed.

I really enjoyed and was happy that I did not missed such a special concert. It was also my first time entering Max Pavilion after so long since it was built.

20-21 September 2010

20 September 2010
Today I went to meet Steven and Evonne to do up the suprise for our Princess Serene. At first I was planning to do her a small card. But when I received Evonne's sms, I went to JP to meet them and help in planning the presents and help to do designs for some pages.

We were shopping at Popular. We planned for a HUGE bday card for her. Also we will be doing a photo album to mark the past events of her and we were sure that she will be touched and teary.

We spent hours to complete the albums with my little designs filled with love. Than we proceed to do the HUGE bday card filled with everyone's wishes and thanks. I really can imagine the smile we can see when we hand her the card.

When we done with small, HUGE card and the album. The most headache was Steven could not make it tomorrow for giving her suprises due to some reason and we have to give to her tomorrow.

So we rang up Cherine and arranged a 30mins meet up at FM. We will give her suprises and sure moved her to tears.

21 September 2010
Today was Serene's bday. At 1am plus, Steven, Evonne and myself wrote dedication in Peifen's blog and wishes her happy birthday.

I meet up with Evonne at 313 Somerset at 4pm and we planned to do a mini cake for Serene as our 1st suprise bday special. Who knows we really not artistic. The cake was very messily designed. The only word can be seen clearly was Serene. Well, hopefully she won't laugh at it.

Steven came and meet us suprisingly. I guessed he cannot be absent for this special planning. Than we went down to FM as planned at 5.30pm. I looked around FM and spotted Serene inside the room behind the reception. I faster informed Evonne and Steven quickly hide at one corner to light up the candle while we were trying very had to get Serene cover her eyes to give her the first suprise.

She really very naughty and refused to cover her eyes. Thanks to Cherine, she helped us to tricked her and blocked her.

When we finally let her turn around, she was really shocked to see the mini cake. She kept saying ITS CUTE. She could not get her eyes off the cake. There were more to come.

I handed her my mini card with 3 packets of nails stickers. She was smiling from ears to ears. Than I asked her you want Medium size or Huge size, she chose both but we insisted to choose only one. She wanted medium but we force her to choose huge.

When she saw the HUGE card. She was almost tears. Than we were about to hand her the album, Xiao Han lao shi came into FM. Evonne went over to show her the album first before showing Serene. She almost about to cry but she did not.

When she post the pictures, she took all the cake, cards and the album. She very suprised and did not know the helper was Cherine. We were all very glad that we made her Birthday so special.

We left FM before 6pm as she need to go for recording at 6pm. After that we waited very patiencely for Peifen to read out our dedications. Little did we knew that Peifen planned to call out and wish Serene Happy Birthday.

When she called Serene, she had was over the moon. Actually she wanted to say she now going home after recording, become she was about to go for recording. She kept mentioning Muffin-renes till our twitter and weibo received huge numbers of followers. Many people were asking how to locate the twitter of Muffin-renes.

How does Muffin-renes came about? It was because, Serene love to address us as Muffin hence we decided to call ourselves Muffin and to represent her, so we use her name last few words and there it became Muffin-renes.

I, as admin of Muffin-renes, hereby wish Serene a great way ahead and all the best in the upcoming Singapore Hits Awards. May she carry all the awards which she was being nominated.

Thanks each and every Muffin-renes. Without you, we won't came so far. Thanks everyone!

17 September 2010

Today was my last day I worked in NTUC Income. Well, I have to say if have fate, I will be back soon.

Given up my full time job was to prepared for full time studies next year. Recounting the last time I left Income was almost a year ago. To be able to come back work for one month, was also not a bad idea.

Yesterday had lunch with Joycelyn and had a great chat with her. I really hope that she can find a job she desired soon. Lets work hard together.

Today planned to have lunch with Winnie and after that we will have dinner together to mark the last day of being colleagues.

I was asked to teach Winnie what I had been doing for the past one month. I would say, Winnie need more than one day to mastered it as she was not very familiar with it still. No worries, I will be her free consultant and she can call me or sms me whenever she met any problems.

Slowly I had cleared all the stuff and prepared to leave nothing in the office. My last day, I had slice of mooncake which was not bad. A kick start of Mid-Autumn Festival and mark of my last day of work.

Today I came very early although I supposed to start work at 9am. As I need to leave office at 5.30pm, so I have to come to work at 8.30am.

After work, I company Winnie to her boyfriend house than we went for dinner at the market near his house. It was decades when I last ate satay. I also tried the barbecue chicken wings. It was very tasty.

Thanks Winnie for the special Mickey Mouse MP3. So sorry I may not use it yet but it is really cute. I will cherish it. Also thanks for being my colleague cum friends. Friends forever and take care.

1-11 September 2010

1 September 2010
Today was Teachers' Day. Usually when it comes to this day, a day before, I will go and visit my teachers in Secondary school and ITE. But this year due to some reasons, I did not.

Luckily CQ gave us an opportunity to voice our gratitute to all the teachers who had taught us. He helped us read the dedications and also our Thanks to all the teachers.

Come to think, I was quite obedient student and was once appointed as Chinese Rep. My results were so-so. Not very good neither was it that bad.

But what I remembered most was during my Primary School, I had once won a prize for my composition. If you were to asked me, was it English Compo or Chinese Compo, I really could not recall. I only remembered that day before I was called on stage, my form teacher said very funny words to me. He said my compo was well written and even encourage me to work hard to strive for express stream in Secondary School. That was the only time I went up stage to receive the prize.

What was memorable in Secondary School? Other than being outcasts most of the time, what I remembered most was during N and O Level times. I ever wanted to gave up in studies. Especially ART which I never scored well. My art teacher never gave me up. She helped me a lot and especially during my N and O level art works. Sad to say eventually I did not turned up for the paper and I believe I had disappointed her. When it comes to O level June Intensive Revision classes, I skipped all and even refused to turned up in school for two weeks. If not for the friends and teachers who have not given me up, I guessed I would never complete my O level.

When I flopped my O level as the results of not studying hard, I was put into a dilemma of whether to retake the whole Secondary 5 and retake my O Level or I should move on to next step, ITE.

I remembered I had a good chat with my Mathematics teacher and she told me that I should not retake the O level if I have no confidence that I will do better than now. She told me, entering ITE was not a disgrace. Maybe I can do better if I continue my studies in ITE and may also excel and be able to proceed to Polytechnic.

After much consideration, I decided to enter ITE and continue pursuing my studies. Till now, I am very grateful to all teachers from Primary School till ITE. Without them, I believe I would have been a dropout. Thanks Teachers.

11 September 2010
Today was the celebration for Steven's birthday. We did not have very grand celebration but had a happy dinner at Xing Wang Cafe located at City Link. After dinner, we went for bowling.

We, comprises, Terence, Kenneth, Raymond, Andrew, Steven and myself. Only Andrew, Steven, Kenneth and myself played bowling.

What a letdown, I never strike at all. I was almost the last who scored very low. But luckily I have Kenneth who scored even lower than me. I only spared a few times during 2 rounds of play.

I felt very happy with them. Well, being the only female, they more or less will give way to me. Thanks for all the fun today. Great to have all of you as my friends.

Summarized August 2010

This month was full of fun and get together times. After CQ's gathering to Carotino promotion. From jobless to getting myself a temp job for a month at my ex company.

Starting the job in ex company felt very weird and its was more like a dream. All my ex-colleagues welcome me. They gave me lots of encouragements and supports.

Though I made mistakes here and there, they were all ready to correct me and gave me chances to mend.

Friends out there had showered me lots of love, care and concern. When I was very down as I could not find job, they had given me lots of supports and encouragements.

Basically other than CQ's events, this month there wasn't any more events that I went. Hopefully next month will have more events to attend and more exciting to share in here. Stay tune.

Lastly, thanks for all who had helped me one way or another. Also thanks Joycelyn and Winnie for being my colleagues cum friends. I am sure even if I eventually left NTUC Income again, we can still be friends forever.