我快乐吗?

我快乐吗？我不知道。为什么会用华语写部落格？或许是要与众不同吧。。。

开学已经三个星期了。。。有点不太适应。。。一切好不真实。。。现在是最后一个学期了。。。压力好大。。。虽然不能算成绩出类拔萃。。但至少科科都及格，没有让你们失望。。。很快就要筛选实习的地点了。。。好害怕会到最后没有地方
让我去。。。

有想过将来，但将来好遥远。。。未来对我来说是可怕的。。。和学妹学弟竞争，有点力不从心。。。毕竟已经不年轻了。。。我能胜任吗？好怀疑自己的能力。。。老师们对我是十足的信心，但我很胆怯。。。我行吗？真的可以吗？

常常自我怀疑，超级没信心的。。。喜欢唱歌却对觉得自己唱的好难听。。。喜欢演戏，但不是每次都有机会当临时演员的。。。或许有天，我会为了理想放弃一切。。。但现在我只求能顺利毕业。。。对大家的诺言得实现。。。以前就是太会信口开河，常常半途而废。。。所以才会与人打赌，我一定会那个文凭回来的。。。无论如何，决不能抛白布，不能投降。。。但这真的是我想要的人生吗？我真的可以放胆去闯吗？

眼前的路是崎岖是平坦，我不知道。。。胆怯不安害怕恐慌。。。

我的他，你在哪里？怎样才能遇到你？

First Post in 2013

Yesterday, received the choices for Overseas Internship. I am somewhat in a dilemma. Spoken to my mum on whether I should go for it, she was quite concern as to why I chose this plan when I can do my internship in Singapore.

The truth is, I wish to see if I can survive overseas without my parents’ care. Am I able to be independent? At my age, many have already been at least a managerial post and is earning a lot. Here I am struggling to complete my diploma and competing with teenagers to fight for a place in internship.

My another decision for internship is to work in travel agency locally. But having bad experience I had during the one month work in one of the travel agency. I am currently not that sure if I can make it through the internship. Am I really the cut to be a good tour leader? Or am I just putting high hat onto myself unknowing my own limits?

These have been stressing me a lot. I really do not know my decisions will lead me to where and where I will land in the end.

I am very fortunate to have a great mentor who is always behind me helping me. Still remember the very first time when I approached Mr Ross for advices on whether there are openings for DHHM students to work in travel agency. That was way before some of my classmates preparing for their choices of internship for 1st semester of Year 3. He is gladly to help me in any ways to get hold of all he informations that he can get from the person in charge. I must be very annoying as I kept pestering him for an answers.

Finally just few weeks ago, he told me that the person in charge have given a green light and is glad to offer help to get me a place in the travel agency. I just need to ace the interview and the rest will be taken care by my Mentor, Mr Ross.

After hearing the briefing of the overseas internship, I am now stucked with which choice should I make or should I try applying for overseas internship? Where will my future be? After all, I have to be independent one day and work and live alone. I believe my parents will also know one day I will fly out of their care and live alone. But by having internship overseas will really test for my independent? I really do not know. How should I gauge my choices? What will be the motivation of my final decision? Where my future is? Wonder when I can answer them all.

Just wish to pen down as I do not know who to tell and where to tell.