January 2010 Updates (3)

29 January 2010
Today was a day to send Wai Po off for the last time. It marks the last day of the wake and time for us to wrap up all the sorrow.

"How are you, Wai Po? Is there any more pain and suffering? I guess no more pain, suffering and sorrow. It was 3 days after your departure. We all very miss you. But we knew, you are now enjoying. So please remember us. We all love you."

Priest reached here at 8am plus. The rites begin at 9am plus. Whole chanting lasted almost half and hour with some paused for us to rest. All the while, I was not shedding tears. But when we were asked to walk round the coffin 3 times, I can never fight back my tears. How can I accept, Sunday saw her sleeping at the bed so soundly, except she was breathing very hard. Now saw her inside the coffin. I do not even want to look at the coffin. I also do not wish to believe, it was her.

After the whole chanting, we were asked to rest before they carry Wai Po's coffin to the van. Mummy and Da Ge will continue the whole rites to mark the ending of the wake and we will eat all the offerings. After some rest, we were asked to back face the coffin. Then we followed the van to send her off for some distance.

After that, we took the bus and headed to Mandai Cremented Hall to send her off for the last time. During the journey, we all were tired, some took a nap. Some burst into tears as they could not fight back anymore. Especially my 2nd Aunt who acted strong for the whole ceremony. I guess she also felt hurt. Sending her off was very painful for us.

When we reached memorial hall, rites begins before she was pushed to cremented. I can no longer fight back tears. I told myself, be strong. Mummy needs my confort. But when seeing her being pushed near to the fire, I can never be strong. Years ago, we were at the same place sending 1st Aunt's husband off. Now, we were here to send my Grandmother off. How can I be strong?

I can never call Wai Po, I can never dotes by her. She can never do pyjamas for us. She can never cook us soups. But no matter what, after crying, we all have to come to terms that she will never be back to life.

After this, we went back to rest for a while, 2pm will be back to collect the ashes, chanting and sending Wai Po to temple to stay. The whole ceremony ended at 4pm, we reached home at 5pm.

Had some rest before I headed to SCO concert with Yes933. I know it was very difficult to stay happy or at least show I am okay. But I have to as not all of them knew of what I had been through.

All the condolences, care and concern to me now was not able to consoled me. I guess I needed time.

The whole concert was remarkable but I have no mood to even listen attentively. After that was autograph session. Some of the DJs knew of my matters, they send condolences and ask me to take care. I very much appreciated. After that we headed home for rest. Meeting again at SCO tomorrow.

30 January 2010
Today was the 2nd day for the concert. I was much peaceful now. As long as I do not talk about the matter, I guess I will not be too sad.

When I reached the place, Wei passed me a plastic bag, it was a pencil holder which I can use at my work place desk. Steven also passed me a plastic bag which is a Minnie Mouse handphone strip. It was very cute, I love it very much. I really very thankful to them.

For the time being, I will not take any calls and I also ignore some of the smses. I hope they can understand and not blame me.

After the concert was the autograph session than we headed home for rest. That ends my not so happy but memorable Saturday.

31 January 2010
Today was my birthday. But I have no mood in celebrating. It was also Andrew's bday celebration, but I rejected last minute. I hope he will not blame me.

Today we all gathered at the temple at 9.30am, rites began and we prayed to Grandmother.

"Wai Po, how have you been? Are you comfortable in here? Don't worry, Wai Gong will company you soon. Take care and may you rest in peace. We all love you."

After the rites, we gathered for a while to discuss when will be the next chanting day. After that we either head home or went shopping. It was my birthday, all of my friends wished me. But I have no mood to even be happy.

Day 4 without Wai Po, my not so happy birthday. Time to let her go? I guess I should. But I cannot do it now. Heart still hurt, pain still there. I guess I need more time.