27 January 2010-A Day To Be Remembered

Few days ago, when we went to visit her, she was breathing very hard. My mum had a feeling that her days are numbered. Little did I know few days later, she passed away silently and peacefully. End of suffering, tube feeding and oxygen tube.

She is finally released to a Happy Land. Ah Po, I love you.

My grandmother was a simple and very caring grandmother. From young, she dotes all of us. I can still remember she was very good at sewing pyjamas. Every new year, she will do one for each of us. We can choose the cloth, patterns and colour. She will sew and sew for us so that we can wear on new year days.

I also remember, she was a great cook. I love her soups and many dishes which she used to cook during our usual Sunday visit at my uncle house. She will ask us drink more soups and I can never forget that taste. Unique as it is, with her love and effort. I will make it a point to drink 2 big bowls. She will always say drink more still have plenty left.

All this changed when she refused to eat high blood pressure medicines and had her first stroke 9years ago. From then, she was put to Econ Medical Care Centre located near Tanah Merah. Our usual Sunday visit will be from my house take train to Tanah Merah and change to bus 14 to reached the medical centre.

Few years later after she lost her sleep, she had 2nd stroke and that was when she lost her mobility of left side of her body. She continues to not fall asleep. That was even more worst when she finally had 3rd stroke and she lost her sense of taste, sense of sight and sense of hearing. From then on, even if we came to her ear and call her, she will no longer response. She will never get to hear us calling her.

Few weeks ago, she was hospitalized due to high fever and shortness of breath. Doctors certified that all her internal organs had all spoilt. If my grandmother finds it hard to catch her breath, doctor will not save her and let her go. Since then, we have to have mental prepared that she will leave us anytime.

She will be put on oxygen tube from then on. If remove this oxygen tube, she will shivered and catching her breath.

When my mum woke me up at 6am plus, I knew it was not good news. When I came to my senses, I heard my mum say, grandmother passed away this morning at 4am very peacefully. How should I react? I thought, I can still get to see her next week. Just 4days before my birthday, she could not hold on. Just few more days to Chinese New Year, she also could not hold on.

How am I to be strong and accept that all this are reality? When we went down to medical care centre, we were lead to the holding room. Once we stepped in, I could not be strong. I hope that it was all bad dream. Grandmother did not left us.

But she did left us and I know we should feel happy for her as she will not be suffering. She can enjoy. She lived her life for 91 years. She finally released. I know she dotes us very much and do not wish to see us so sad of her lost. I also knew she dotes ah yi very much that she do not wish to drained her money further.

Hence she chose to leave us now and end the payment. Ah yi ever said, when she retired, she will bring grandmother to her Tampines house to stay. All this will never happened.

She have yet saw my boyfriend and my second brother have yet found his girlfriend. How am I to convinced myself to be strong? Whenever I saw her photo, I cannot stop crying.

My Da Yi was totally unconsolable so was me. But I have to act strong as I do not wish to upset my mum further. Can tell me whether I can change all this to bad dream? Can I wish grandmother was still alive?

I know I cannot. When I saw the death certificate. It was so saddening. Ah Po, lei xiu sam hang hou lo. Wo ai ni.

For my beloved grandmother, I love you and could not bear to let you go. I know no matter how I not bear, you still left us. I know you are going to find ah gong and leave to merryland with him. If you ever hear this, please remember, I love you. Next life, I still want to be your grand-daughter. I will love you more than this life and filial you. Do not worry about us. We will be closely-knitted and will never lost contact even after you left us. Ah Po, remember, Wai Yan weng yun ai lei.