Blogs For February 2006

Thoughts(24 February 2006)
Well, working in NTUC Income since 2004 July, indeed is long enough to be a permanent staff. But I did not chose this route as I am planning to study in poly. But my application in 2005 was unsuccessful. This lead to me had to temp in Income again till 2006's registration. In May 2005, I ended my stay in Income and went to FJ Benjamin to temp as an account assistant. The job is a start point for me in future when I were to work as Account Assistant in future. Well, those days are stress but I had learnt a lot.
When I worked in FJ Benjamin, life is totally different in Income. In Income, the working hours is 8.30am-5.20pm. But in FJ Benjamin, it is 9am-6pm. Sometimes if needed to close accounts, tidying reports, working time will extended till 7plus. Each day is like battle. Why? Cause we have to fight to get the Sun System as there are only limited user. So which means you have to get there early so as to have the access on the system. Sometimes, if you are late, you will have a hard time if you want the system badly as some might not lend you the system.
But in Income is a totally different situation. In here, ebao is the system. It is available almost everyday, every hour. It has no limit in users. But compared to FJ Benjamin, Income is much more bigger company than FJB. Hence, we have to fight to get into system in FJB but not in Income. Well, I had worked in FJB for about 3 months. I ended my contract in 30 September and rejoin Income in mid-August.
But this time round, the feelings of some of the colleagues is different. I slowly discovered some of the true faces. Some had showed their selfishness, some are purely using you. But I am lucky to have Jennifer as my supervisor. She taught me a lot. It is her who helped me when I am in doubt. She also helped me to resolve my mistake. She will not scold when I did wrongly but will tell me what I should do instead. She will joke with the rest. To me, she is more like friends than supervisor. There are a lot more like her in the office. But only minority that are not as friendly as they seemed.
Recently, I had won a handphone nokia 2650. Though it is not a new phone, quite small in storage. But I was lucky to won it when I took part in the Nokia Live Survey. When one of my colleague saw it, she was so excited. She ask me how I got this phone. When I told her it is free, she then further ask me how I got it for free. But I find it hard to explain to her. So I pause for a moment to think of a sentence. Then I said I join a contest and unknowingly I won it. Then she commented that I always like that, when ask questions always like doesn't want to tell. But sometimes is I do not know how to convey the message to her. Then she further comment that when I ask about others, I will expect others to tell the whole story. In other words is kpo. But I really find it hard to explain the process to her as she may not know of the website. Then she in turn spread to another colleague, which is her good friend.
Than she walked to me and said:"You got new phone ar, bring it out for me to see. Don't be so SELFISH. Selfish people cannot survive in work". Well, this made me paused and think, I helped her repaired her correction tape, and some other things, she in turn say me selfish. Really felt very hurt in the way she say about me. Then she ask me how I got the contest. Again, I am lost of words as I almost forgotten how I get it. Then she say she wanna get for her sons. I told her that it is through the nokia live website in yes933 website. Then she further comment:" You so free at work ar. Log in to the internet. So free help my dept do some work la." Then she walked away. I further explained that I did the contest at home. Seems that she did not take my words.
Than soon the news of my free phone spread till the coffee aunty. I felt so sad with this kind of broadcast and also that kind of comment. This made me rethink, whether they treat me as colleague trully in their heart or am I just a tool to be used by them.

My six puppy loves story(03 February 2006)
There are memories which I wish to deposit and hope to forget. Hence, I am writing them down. Those may be seem as puppy loves and just a part of my growing up process. But that is also a painful memories of mine. I have six puppy loves, Terence, Simon, Andy, Jixiang, Weizhong and Raymond. Seems like I had many experiences but mostly, they are full of regrets and remorses.
Terence is my first and unforgettable puppy love. We were secondary school classmates for one and a half years. We were loggerheads in the first place. He would find some words to tease me, just to make me angry or upset. But nevertheless, I am not angry with him. Due to some reasons, he left school. I thought we will lost contact. But to my suprise, he called me one day during June holiday. We chatted for long hours till he asked me to be his girlfriend. As I also was in love with him that time, so I agreed. We did not had smooth relationship. Why? Cos he puts me in the second place whereas he puts friends in the first place. Whenever his friends ask him out he would go and would leave me alone or would turn me turn for outing. He would call me several times when I did not reply his paged or when he could not reached me. This made my family known his presence. I guess, I am tired of being questioned by my parents on who was he, hence I decided to put a stop to our relationship. He tried few times till I agree to patch up. But things did not improved, we broke up because of the same problems. Same situations happened a lot of times(Break off and patch) till one day, he was tired and too hurt to continue. He did the final break up. We became just friends in the end. We still keep contacts and I am still his friend even though I had hurt him so deep. Well, I do not regret loving him but felt remorse for hurting him. He was so nice to me, yet I hurt him deeply.
Simon is my second and most regret puppy love. We were colleagues during my part time job at KFC. We were brother and sister in the first place as he is in a relationship with my good friend S. I was in love with him. We became an item shortly after he broke off with S. It was a wrong decision made. He was not as good as he seems to be. We had happy times till one day, he asked me to lend him money for conpensate his friend as he had spoilt his friend's handphone. Out of love, also due to my gullible and foolish, I lent him. I would say, he is good at hoaxing girls with sweet words. Though many people told me to leave him and said that he is not worth my feelings. Instead of listening to their advices, I chose to believe what Simon said is true. Soon it was proven that they were right and I am totally wrong. Things changed after the loan. We became meeting lesser and lesser, the money that I lent to him is never able to retrieve. Why? Due to one day, a heated arguement with one of the managers. He left the job and disappeared totally. We lost contact after that. He just disappeared into the thin air. Well, I really regret getting into this relationship. Really regret. But history repeats itself when Andy came into my life, I again let myself to the hurt world again.
Andy is the third and also most regret puppy love. We met through friends of mine. He was her church friend. We became an item soon after we met. He was also had honeyed words said to me, and naive, foolish and gullible, I chose to believe whatever he said. He was actually a playboy. He can be with more than one girl in one time. At first, I chose not to believe what others said about him, went ahead to make myself walked to his love trap. Soon I found what they said is true when one of his ex-girlfriend called me one day. I did not end the relationship right away as I was waiting for him to explain to me and hoping that he will tell the truth. But eventually he did not. Hence, I chose to leave him quietly. He came to look for me but I refused to give him this chance as I was hurt deeply. Once again, I was tricked. This time is more hurt infected on me.
Jixiang is my fourth and unforgettable puppy love. We met when he came to KFC to work as he is training for cook. We became brother and sister. Little did I know, I fell in love with him unknowingly. One of my sister C, knew my feelings, at the same time,Jixiang was actually in love with C. This feelings became overwhelmed till I almost did something foolish. I smsed C one day to tell her that I wanted to be with Andy once again. Andy begged me for another chance and he promised to mend his mistake. To prevent me getting hurt again, he informed Jixiang. Things changed when Jixiang smsed me and say that he will try to love me as how I love him. He ask me to be his girlfriend. Well, I do not regret this decision. But what happened next was something that I did not expected. We were seemed to be an item, went to his house, went out holding hands. Everything was just like normal relationship. Till one day before my birthday, Jixiang broke a unexpected news to me. He was actually with C all along and kept me in the dark. The reason why he did not told the truth in the first place was due to worried that I would got back to Andy once again. But what he did not know was that I had rejected Andy just after I smsed C. He gave me a beautiful dream and smashed it one night. I was hurt, really hurt. This had soured my friendship with C. I did not accept her birthday gift for me, I even avoided her, did not wished to see her in school(I and C were schoolmates). That night's celebration was awkward as i did not know how to face them and how to face the truth. It took me a long time till I finally re-accepted C and Jixiang as my friends again. Well, I ever asked Jixiang, if time turned back to the past, will he still chose the same way, his replied was yes just because he cared for me. But I told him that cared is not equal to love. Well, I had learnt some things, that is love does not have right or wrong. But love is a two way track, nothing is going to work for a one way track. Frankly speaking, I would like to say, I do not regret loving him. In fact, I will remember the happy times we ever had together.
Weizhong is my fifth, shortest and unforgettable puppy love. We met when his brother played basketball using my basketball. What a funny meet up. But that is the first place we came to know each other. Soon I found out that he is actually my schoolmate. We were actually in the same secondary school. We were also living near each other few blocks away... We became friends and eventually was an item. But things did not last long for us. Due to he had no special feelings for me, he decided that we should be friends. I also had to concentrate for my O levels. So I agreed. Till now, we still keep in contact. I really hope that we can be together again but I know it's impossible as things are not the same anymore. Maybe, we are just fated to be friends and not lover.
Raymond is the last and most most regret puppy love. If we did not started, I wouldn't be wounded. We were classmates in ITE. As most of the friends knew, I had special feelings on him. As whenever he seeked help from me, I would seldom turned down. Whenever he needed someone's work to copy, I would be the one who lent him when he asked. I would also lent him to copy during exams which I normally wouldn't agree to. All this just because I love him so deep that what he asked for, I would tried my best to fulfill. One day during school holiday, he smsed me to be his girlfriend, he said he will try to love me the way I love him. But I would say, this was again a one way track love. I would be the one who give and he would always be the one who take. I would be the one waiting at the park near his house for him to meet me. He never sent me home. We actually never went out together. We also did not hold hands. It is just like we were ordinary friends not in relationship. He also did not allowed me to tell the whole world we were together. I guessed this was already a signal to tell me that he was not truth to me. He was also good in hoaxing girls with honeyed words. So great that, I eventually fell into his trap. He finally showed his true colours after I lent him the money. Things changed after the loan. We became just friends and eventually, I told myself that he was not worthy for my sacrificed. In the end, the money was never retrieved and I ended up with a wounded heart graduating from ITE. We became strangers and lost contact for a while.
Till one day, he smsed me and say that he could not forget me, he still loved me. But what he did not knew was that, I would not fall into the trapped again. His motive was cleared that he wanted to took another loan from me. I told him that I will not believe his words ever again. He even tried to trick me into lending him a photocopied I/C saying that he needed a guarantor for his army as he was in charge for weapons. He thoght that I wouldn't asked around. Or maybe he thought, I do not have friends or relatives who is still in the army. In the end, he did not get what he thought he would. Till now, he is still avoiding me and still did not intend to return me the money. Well, I would put it as a bad debts and I knew it will never be retrieved. I really regret to have started in the first place and got myself hurt so deep.